The humdrum of school is nice because it imposes order — there are rewards, a sense of accomplishment.
At the same time, it leaves me with almost no time to enjoy things. It’s odd, but now, after working for the last two weeks, even my favorite books seem bland. At this point, it is surprising to read about other people who place so much feeling into nonworking life.
Anyway.
I believe that the key to great literature is a premonition of the extraordinary. There is a line that can’t be crossed because the opposite side is the realm of the weird, the fantastical, the shoddy sensationalistic genre of science fiction. But the border is where greatness lies, where men like Gatsby, and Dick Diver are conceived, too fantastic, idealistic, or good looking for every day life, but vividly real caricatures of our own idealism, our own lust and desires.
I spent the last 24 hours watching and bidding on one ebay item: a pair of Axiom M22ti cherry wood speakers.
This singular event precipitated passion, joy, disbelief and despair.
Passion for the wonders of music that I shall enjoy!
Joy that I outbid the stupid motherfucker by $5!
Disbelief that after a short break from the computer, I had lost by exactly the amount I had cunningly won by.
Despair that I had wasted all day with an obsession that bore no fruit.
Anyway, whatever evil that swept over me in the last day is over.
To organize my activity this summer, I am blogging!
I hope to
a) Post math problems/papers/solutions
b) Muse in a significant way about the world outside of Harvard, studying, and the Fung Wah, which occupies almost all of my energy during the school year
c) Document my trip to China with pictures and shit.
A Harvard Education has meant for me an almost inhuman disinterest in everything. This is not to say there haven’t been bright moments where I’ve rejoiced in the conversation, the work, the whole mantra that adorns the side door of Boylston Gate — “enter here and grow in wisdom”.
It’s just that, sometimes, I feel like a zombie.
By midterms, I’ve usually lost interest in at least half of my classes. From monday to thursday, I work at least 40 hours. On friday, I give up, reflect upon my week, feel dissatisfied, complain, and sleep. I waste saturday. I waste sunday. On monday, the cycle begins again.
The only salvation in that from monday to thursday, I am usually too overwhelmed to feel dissatisfied.
There’s been plenty of other people who feel the same way. I guess all I really have to say is: to all the South Korean tourists — rub a load of this!
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